Jul. 10th, 2016

071016

Jul. 10th, 2016 08:46 pm
ameliar: (Default)
feeling super super angsty and sick to my stomach because I want to buy a pair of jeans that costs $100 ad I've never spent tht much money on any piece of clothing or even shoes in my entire life. I have only $861 in checking account and we need to save for food and stuff. Last months finances were a total disaster with expenses popping up from car repairs, water bill, passport, loans, rent, etc... it was a lot and we went out to eat so often, we ended up losing $700 (over budget/out of savings). So now I have anxiety that we wont have enough this month either. So I feel especially guilty blowing $100 on a pair of jeans.. but I cant stop looking at them and staring at them and measuring myself and adding it to my cart online and looking for deals that would lower the price, and researching if there are any similar jeans that I could get for less that would still be ethical........ AAAAAAGAAGGAGGAHHHHH I'm about to scream and cry and throw a tantrum because its so stressful... LOL Its just a pair of jeans. :/ but I have jeans-lust in my heart.

oh yeah... FYI,,, these are the new Patagonia straight cut jeans that I'm obsessed with. (plus they come in fancy sizing (waist-inseam) so that I can finally get a 28/30 that would look fabulous on me and also they remind me of my old converse jeans.... I had them my first two years of college, when I fell in love with Sam. I wore those everywhere. Anyway, converse one star jeans dont exist anymore except on ebay and even then, woman's are rare and my size is rarer still. I'm getting really really emotional and hormonal over this and I'm becoming so uneasy about it. I need to buy them, but if I do I need to also NOT FEEL GUILTY.... and the thought of buying them makes me feel sick and guilty already. since...they are SO. EXPENSIVE.

I should just go to a goodwill tomorrow to double check that there isn't anything there that I might love just as much as I love the Patagonia jeans. Then maybe I can rest easy about it all. Maybe God will provide a pair of jeans for me like he provided Abraham a Ram to sacrifice instead of his son. ... yeah.... I'm going crazy.

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ameliar

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