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May. 14th, 2016 01:59 pm
ameliar: (Default)
[personal profile] ameliar
Today I feel a lot of anxiety. It's not that I think anything bad will happen today, I just have this irrational dread. I can't do anything because I keep feeling weird. I have to hang out with some girls from my bible study tonight. Normally I like the company, but they'll probably expect that I'm a little more alive and pleasant.

I should probably just force myself to do activities until 5:30 when I need to leave for the event. I should just write out a little schedule and do the things on the list. All I really want to do though is curl up into a tight ball and slip into a nonexistent state of being.

I was trying to update my portfolio, but I just can't. It feels so heavy. I cant think right or write right. I didn't even do my Russian lesson yesterday.... I guess I did it today, but I still feel guilty that I skipped yesterday.

I put on makeup today, and I look really pretty. I also paid rent, and went shopping at Target for some cleaning supplies and veggie burgers. I wanted to buy these really expensive jeans, but I feel guilty dropping 100 bucks on jeans rather than paying back students loans to my mom and dad this month.
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